“When we think everything is someone else’s fault, we suffer, much.
When we realize that everything springs from ourselves, we learn both peace and joy.”
- Dalai Lama
It seems as if nearly every day I come across someone blaming someone else for some negative something that is happening to them; from blaming their co-workers and employers for their own laziness and bad attitude, to blaming their genetics for their obesity and diabetes.
This finger-pointing diseased mentality is exemplified, if not glorified, in political debates (currently being led by the likes of Trump, Clinton, Cruz, et al.). Then of course we need only turn on any “news” channel to see one country blaming another country for the atrocity du jour.
What is at the root of blame and how do we begin to shift this toxicity?
“All blame is a waste of time.
No matter how much fault we find with another, and regardless of how much we blame him, it will not change us.
The only thing blame does is to keep the focus off us when we are looking for external reasons to explain our unhappiness or frustration. We may succeed in making another feel guilty about something by blaming him, but we won’t succeed in changing whatever it is about us that is making us unhappy.”
– Dr. Wayne Dyer.
When we blame others, we are projecting our own self-perceived shortcomings or flaws onto other people and lashing out at them because we are unable to acknowledge those issues within ourselves.
Blaming someone else for our unhappiness, our weight-gain, our disease, perhaps even our miserable job, marriage, or familial relationships, is nothing short of willingly abdicating our own personal power to hand it to those people we accuse of making us unhappy.
Why are we continually choosing to do this? Why are we so afraid of looking within? Why are we so afraid of retaining our personal power…our happiness?
What if instead, when we are sitting at our desk with a headache, feeling horrible and thinking about everything that is wrong with our job, our relationships, our life, even the world, we started to ask ourselves a few questions:
- What if that person is not really the reason I feel like this?
- What if that person is not really the reason I experienced (___fill in the blank__)?
- What is it in me that is creating this experience?
- What would it take for me to take ownership of my attitude?
- What would it take for me to take ownership of my health?
- What would it take for me to take ownership of my own happiness?
- What would it take for me to take ownership of these issues about myself that I don’t like?
- What would it take for me to being to forgive myself? To begin to love myself?
What if we are on the other end of that pointing finger?
The person blaming us, for whatever their ailment, is their own issue, they are not our issue. If we can recognize this, see that person as a fractured soul, retain our peace and sincerely bless them, then that is when we have successfully retained our own power, our own peace, and our own happiness. So, in short, bless the blamers.
If you feel like everyone around you is the reason for your unhappiness, and you are tired of living that way, or if you find it difficult to “bless the blamer” in your life, email me at LeNae.Goolsby@gmail.com to discuss how we can work together to clear that and get you your power back.