Let me share my Friday afternoon with you.
So, there I am, feeling like a winner because up to this point all the patient-partners who came in that day were offering to pay what they owe without me even having to ask - easy, beautiful & breezy.
Like the end of days in the form of a woman over 40 (I’m over 40 so I can say that) flipped a freaking switch. But of course not before absolutely indulging in a 60+ minute consultation with Infinite Health's premier physician and my husband, Trip Goolsby, MD.
Why did she flip out you ask?
Well, at surface level it’s because I asked her how she would like to the pay the balance of the co-insurance bill that she had been accruing over the past 2-3 months.
The accusatory words that came out of her mouth upon my request for how she would like to take care of her $400+ balance combined with her over the top dramatic, how dare I...because she pays her bills... behavior quite frankly shocked and perplexed me.
I mean, she was just in a consultation that lasted for over an hour - in my mind that singly session alone was worth well over $400.
But in her mind, according to the machine-gun rapid-fire verbiage she was projectile vomiting towards me, I was Lucifer (and not the one on the recently cancelled series of the same name), and she was the innocent albeit victimized angel (not at all to be confused with the former cult-classic of the same name).
Okay, so let’s take a soul-level perspective here.
Clearly, on some level, I created this highly perplexing and uncomfortable interaction. But even in the middle of it, when I was feeling like her personal punching bag, I was somewhat able to detach from the heat of the experience and take an observer perspective of my emotions.
I pondered at why my heart was pounding faster and as I pondered this, she exclaimed,
"The energy has just gotten weird in here and my heart is pounding."
So, then I wondered if I was empathing her irrational emotional state...or was she empathing mine? And if she was empathing mine, why should my heart be pounding?
A service was provided (multiple times) and payment was overdue. Target and the local grocer don't have to deal with this, why should I?
I mean, after all, when you go to the grocery store, if you don't have the money, you don't walk out with the milk and the bread. Why do people think that it should be any different at the physician's office? Food is a basic necessity and so is quality healthcare - I don't get it, and I certainly wasn't getting her... and clearly from her pacing and the now personal attacks she was jabbing into me like daggers into my heart, she was not getting me.
My shock allowed me to remain calm, and that calm allowed me, in that moment at least, to present as somewhat detached from the immediate experience, though obviously as I write this, I am still processing.
My mind is still asking the following:
- “How the heck did I attract this?” (The aware #LOA-enthusiast questioner).
- “What error or block in me contributed to the pain exemplified and/or projected by in this cray cray woman?” (The #hoonoponoponoquestioner).
- “If she’s a reflection of my inner vibratory state, what in the hell do I need to change in me to clear this shite?” (The as above so below, and as without, so within questioner).
Do I have the answers to these questions? Not fully yet, no. But that’s not the point.
The point here is, rather, the importance of being aware - to be able to identify and then consciously choose to shift from the default automatic response of blame (How dare that unhinged woman accuse me, attack me, make me feel evil), to that of taking personal responsibility and ownership for my part in the "game" and/or "theater" of life.
Empowerment resides in introspection. Blame is antithesis of empowerment.
That woman is operating out of unawareness, out of fear, and out of the ignorance of not knowing her own infinite divine being-ness.
But I am not.
And it is therefore my responsibility to heal the parts/aspects/illusions within me that allowed this undesired “drama-trauma” to surface.
But how you ask?
- By observing it, without judgment;
- By posing the requisite questions to learn from it
- By being in allowance of it;
- And then by shifting awareness and intentions towards that of raising my personal vibration, and
- And by continuing forth being the light, the infinite divine being in a body that I know I am.